I always enjoy and am stimulated by your through exploration of a given topic. I follow easily as you include your careful observations and self-reflections,
Perhaps I am inserting my own way of saying what I find is the essence of your message. It is this. There is no separation. Never was, never will be. Interconnectedness is accepted now environmentally and relationship thankfully is ever more seen as vital. But there is still the child (separate) in the environment (separate) when they arise together.
Here's a brief example. All children babble sounds so alike that if you stood behind a screen you could not identify them by ethnicity. And then, soon, a word in the native tongue appears. While the sensations of the words were registered in the womb, translating them into speech required a new environment. Usually we facilitate that new environment effortlessly. However, as you so carefully point out, the need gets more complex as does our cultural and personal expectations become more prominent. Confusion takes hold.
The conditioning perceiving the child as separate seems, to me, a conditioning that must be transcended. No easy task. In my opinion, experience, and actuality, It is going to require profound self knowledge that agency and interconnectedness are mutually arising. When we heal the confusion of belief in our own separation it is inevitable that we will bring forth our natural capacity to assess and create optimal conditions for well-being in children. We would not have it any other way.
Thank you again for your thoughtful reflections and continued support of my writing.
I think there is a great deal in what you say. While I don't often use the language of interconnectedness explicitly, much of what I find myself exploring seems to point in that direction. The more closely I look, the harder it becomes to separate the child from their relationships, environment, and the wider forces shaping their experience.
Perhaps my contribution is simply to make some of these dynamics more visible through everyday observations of children, parenting, and education. My hope is that greater awareness helps us question assumptions that are otherwise taken for granted and, in doing so, see children a little more clearly.
thank you for this reflective article. I have indeed seen many of such children myself.
But I will talk about my 4 year old son. At school, his teacher says that he is calm and rather still, loves colouring. At home, he is the loudest in the house, boisterous and full of energy.
It makes me wonder if he is overstimulated by the environment at school with the other children than are really loud, accompanied by the fact that the teacher is strict. I once brought him to a parent teacher meeting, and she commented that she has not seen him so active running around before.
At home, he knows his place, at times he needs to be loud so that he is heard. His older brother is often triggering him.
I’m so pleased this piece was helpful for you. The contrasting behaviour your son displays in those different environments is striking, and I think it’s so ingrained for us to want to understand this from the perspective of “what’s going on with him?” But as you point to, the more helpful question might be “what is happening when he meets each of these environments?” The answer may involve aspects of the environment, aspects of him, and the interaction between the two.
I think there is rarely a neat answer or clear solution to questions like these, but it feels like a different orientation. It encourages us to become curious about the conditions, relationships, expectations, and other factors that may be shaping what we are seeing. Thank you for reading and for such a thoughtful comment.
That is a very good article. It reflects something I have been thinking about for a long time: how much environment matters. While observing my daughter and discovering her temperament, I have come to realize that there is no single fixed character or personality. Different environments can bring out different traits in the same person and can shape who they become over time.
At the same time, this has also become a journey of self-discovery for me. As I try to understand my daughter better, I often find myself reflecting on my own personality, experiences, and the environments that have shaped who I am today.
Thank you so much. I really resonate with what you’ve written, especially your last paragraph. I’ve also found that trying to understand my own children has continually led me back to reflecting on myself… my assumptions, my experiences, the environments that shaped me, and how all of those influence what I notice and expect. In many ways, the journey of understanding a child and the journey of understanding ourselves seem difficult to separate. They continually inform one another. Thank you for such a thoughtful reflection.
I always enjoy and am stimulated by your through exploration of a given topic. I follow easily as you include your careful observations and self-reflections,
Perhaps I am inserting my own way of saying what I find is the essence of your message. It is this. There is no separation. Never was, never will be. Interconnectedness is accepted now environmentally and relationship thankfully is ever more seen as vital. But there is still the child (separate) in the environment (separate) when they arise together.
Here's a brief example. All children babble sounds so alike that if you stood behind a screen you could not identify them by ethnicity. And then, soon, a word in the native tongue appears. While the sensations of the words were registered in the womb, translating them into speech required a new environment. Usually we facilitate that new environment effortlessly. However, as you so carefully point out, the need gets more complex as does our cultural and personal expectations become more prominent. Confusion takes hold.
The conditioning perceiving the child as separate seems, to me, a conditioning that must be transcended. No easy task. In my opinion, experience, and actuality, It is going to require profound self knowledge that agency and interconnectedness are mutually arising. When we heal the confusion of belief in our own separation it is inevitable that we will bring forth our natural capacity to assess and create optimal conditions for well-being in children. We would not have it any other way.
Thank you again for your thoughtful reflections and continued support of my writing.
I think there is a great deal in what you say. While I don't often use the language of interconnectedness explicitly, much of what I find myself exploring seems to point in that direction. The more closely I look, the harder it becomes to separate the child from their relationships, environment, and the wider forces shaping their experience.
Perhaps my contribution is simply to make some of these dynamics more visible through everyday observations of children, parenting, and education. My hope is that greater awareness helps us question assumptions that are otherwise taken for granted and, in doing so, see children a little more clearly.
Thank you for giving me more to reflect on.
thank you for this reflective article. I have indeed seen many of such children myself.
But I will talk about my 4 year old son. At school, his teacher says that he is calm and rather still, loves colouring. At home, he is the loudest in the house, boisterous and full of energy.
It makes me wonder if he is overstimulated by the environment at school with the other children than are really loud, accompanied by the fact that the teacher is strict. I once brought him to a parent teacher meeting, and she commented that she has not seen him so active running around before.
At home, he knows his place, at times he needs to be loud so that he is heard. His older brother is often triggering him.
So yes like you said the conditions matter.
I’m so pleased this piece was helpful for you. The contrasting behaviour your son displays in those different environments is striking, and I think it’s so ingrained for us to want to understand this from the perspective of “what’s going on with him?” But as you point to, the more helpful question might be “what is happening when he meets each of these environments?” The answer may involve aspects of the environment, aspects of him, and the interaction between the two.
I think there is rarely a neat answer or clear solution to questions like these, but it feels like a different orientation. It encourages us to become curious about the conditions, relationships, expectations, and other factors that may be shaping what we are seeing. Thank you for reading and for such a thoughtful comment.
Great piece. I have thinking about this a lot too. Everything you say I have observed with my daughter too.
Glad it resonated :-)
That is a very good article. It reflects something I have been thinking about for a long time: how much environment matters. While observing my daughter and discovering her temperament, I have come to realize that there is no single fixed character or personality. Different environments can bring out different traits in the same person and can shape who they become over time.
At the same time, this has also become a journey of self-discovery for me. As I try to understand my daughter better, I often find myself reflecting on my own personality, experiences, and the environments that have shaped who I am today.
Thank you so much. I really resonate with what you’ve written, especially your last paragraph. I’ve also found that trying to understand my own children has continually led me back to reflecting on myself… my assumptions, my experiences, the environments that shaped me, and how all of those influence what I notice and expect. In many ways, the journey of understanding a child and the journey of understanding ourselves seem difficult to separate. They continually inform one another. Thank you for such a thoughtful reflection.