This is such a vulnerable essay. Thank you. I have felt this way many times before and I hate it! I think what you write about stopping to really notice and observe when you're feeling this way is such a good first step. For me, it will continue to come up, but I hope that bringing consciousness to it will make a big difference.
Thanks for a stimulating essay. and for your continued unalloyed honesty.There is much learning in all your writing. I wish to comment only on two concerns that you expose. First, there is the issue of the "Invisible Audience." It is always there, often carried forth by extended family as we carry their values embedded in our relationship with them. Many times I have folks tell me that their conscious and conscientious parenting is compromised by "how my sister, or father, or..." will reacts when they hear how I responded in a given situation. It is true for teachers in the way they respond to students as parents and admin comprise the audience.
You point to a more insidious audience--culture driven expectations which bring forth anxiety and distort our perspective. Over the years I have reminded parents that there they are, one on one with the child. I also have heard their disdain for the invisible audience, insisting they will never do it again. Alas, at best sporadic success. The only successful response has been to self observe, to notice the conditioning arising, and breathe without judgment. As you know I have extensive experience and I can report consistent freedom for those who can do this.
The second topic is social media with children. While there is much to say the most important factor is, as always, our relationships with youth. Yes, many factors are involved. Yet ultimately it wont' be a boundary we attempt to enforce, but one that emerges with us and the child. For this, the fields of knowing allow us to relate with children of all ages.
I do not write case histories any more. To vague, though fair representations. I have to realize that, despite many who have been influenced by Natural Learning Relationships, I learn best when engaging folks directly.
What a trip down memory lane! This is a brilliant - and very familiar - description of my own unravelling of the pressure to pay attention to the imagined voice of social judgement that led me to focus on the child in front of me, in the here and now, who they are and their needs.
I don't think I quite mastered it during my children's childhood and I hope I'm a much better grandparent.
This is such a vulnerable essay. Thank you. I have felt this way many times before and I hate it! I think what you write about stopping to really notice and observe when you're feeling this way is such a good first step. For me, it will continue to come up, but I hope that bringing consciousness to it will make a big difference.
Thanks for a stimulating essay. and for your continued unalloyed honesty.There is much learning in all your writing. I wish to comment only on two concerns that you expose. First, there is the issue of the "Invisible Audience." It is always there, often carried forth by extended family as we carry their values embedded in our relationship with them. Many times I have folks tell me that their conscious and conscientious parenting is compromised by "how my sister, or father, or..." will reacts when they hear how I responded in a given situation. It is true for teachers in the way they respond to students as parents and admin comprise the audience.
You point to a more insidious audience--culture driven expectations which bring forth anxiety and distort our perspective. Over the years I have reminded parents that there they are, one on one with the child. I also have heard their disdain for the invisible audience, insisting they will never do it again. Alas, at best sporadic success. The only successful response has been to self observe, to notice the conditioning arising, and breathe without judgment. As you know I have extensive experience and I can report consistent freedom for those who can do this.
The second topic is social media with children. While there is much to say the most important factor is, as always, our relationships with youth. Yes, many factors are involved. Yet ultimately it wont' be a boundary we attempt to enforce, but one that emerges with us and the child. For this, the fields of knowing allow us to relate with children of all ages.
I do not write case histories any more. To vague, though fair representations. I have to realize that, despite many who have been influenced by Natural Learning Relationships, I learn best when engaging folks directly.
Much appreciation.
What a trip down memory lane! This is a brilliant - and very familiar - description of my own unravelling of the pressure to pay attention to the imagined voice of social judgement that led me to focus on the child in front of me, in the here and now, who they are and their needs.
I don't think I quite mastered it during my children's childhood and I hope I'm a much better grandparent.