Again, your self-observation, your observation of your children, reveal a naturally gifted field worker in tha all important fields not only of children, but anthropologically of our species, psychology of how we perceive the world, and frankly, spirituality, in that self-knowledge occurs in relationship.
In NLR, we speak of fields of knowing. Emergence, within the capacities of the moment AND transitions, such as those you write of. Developments is merely change, naturally occuring always and everywhere. A natural rhythm, unmolested by progress or human impositions of cultural expectations, and clock time as the measurement.
Wwe use names as approximate, reluctantly, yet a legitimate demand by the many we have met along the way. Simultaneously, we describe dynamics occurring during change, and the many possible behavioral outcomes from those dynamics. We say these are more important than age references. Yet our intent is always to bring that which we know to parents and teachers and so some indication of age is called for.
One insight I would like to respectfully suggest. What is lost is Rightful Place (Belongingness), Trust, Autonomy, and ultimately Interconnectedness. I mean these words in the deepest, most profound way possible. In as essential way they speak to our humanness, our wholeness.
Degree of loss is relative to the field of knowing in which the degree of neglect imposed. Obviously there is much more to say about this but, alas, students and family calls.
Thank you. As you know, I am looking forward to digging into your work to deepen my reflections and work in this area. I completely agree that interconnectedness is at the heart of it all. It reflects our current left-brain/masculine leaning world that we seek to find organised stages, ages, techniques etc I think. But might be quite essential for where we are.
This is such a beautiful and powerful essay - thank you.
After reading it, I feel a bit of grief - grief for the self-trust that so many of us have lost (or are in the process of losing) while being raised in systems in which "we've learnt to associate progress with safety and delay with risk," as you so eloquently state above.
Over the past week, I have watched one of my children suddenly become interested in playing the piano that's been sitting, mostly untouched, in our house for years. A few years ago, I was grappling with whether I 'should' put her in piano lessons - she's always loved music, but despite my efforts at home to model playing in order to inspire her curiosity, she never became interested.
What stopped me from enrolling her in lessons was actually my complicated relationship with piano. I was put into lessons at a young age and botched my way through using awful practice techniques (because 1) I never learned to use deliberate practice approaches, and 2) I never felt interested enough to care to master the pieces anyway). And while I love that I know how to play the piano, I often wish that I had learned through play and experimention rather than through a linear progression through a curriculum. For me, the missing piece was joy.
And yet left to their own development, kids really know how to let open-ended play - and joy - lead them and their efforts. That is a true gift that we all need to protect and nurture.
Thank you for writing this and I hope that it inspires others as well!
Hi Katie - I couldn't resist dropping my thoughts in here. My mother was a piano teacher who taught in our home. I was taken to lessons from 8 to 12 years old. I did grade one - learned to sight read - but refused to do more exams. I didn't practice - but played on pianos when I got an opportunity. (i.e. when my mother wasn't listening!) Now - I love playing - only for my own pleasure - and only to grade 4 or 5 level. But I love piano music. I suspect that you are right - that to remove the joy is a big risk.
Thanks so much for sharing! It sounds like you were able to have both the support AND the freedom to play - that's such a powerful combination. And I'll bet that your Mom and her students provided so much inspiration with music filling your childhood home. That sounds amazing. I'm so glad that you shared this, and that you love playing the piano to this day!
Katie, thank you so much for reading and for the rich reflections you’ve shared. I am deeply grateful that this piece resonated with you.
Yes, I feel you on the grief… I have long felt something close to that when I reflect on these things. In all honesty, it’s probably what propels me in my life and my work in sharing these ideas.
Thank you for sharing your experiences regarding piano. I actually had a similar journey with it myself — I too learnt to play as a child but really disliked my lessons. I used to dread them and found the practice dull and hard work. Sadly, I came to associate piano with stress because I had often not done the homework. Later, as a young adult, I taught myself guitar and although I never became proficient, the joy was there and that allowed creativity to come through as I began to compose songs on it. Joy was missing for me too with piano, and you’ve hit the nail on the head that without that, our achievements are never going to quite blossom into their full and amazing potential. Children absolutely are the experts when it comes to joy, and I think there is real power in nurturing that over all else.
Thanks so much for sharing this - how interesting to compare and contrast your experiences with piano and guitar. I too associate the piano with stress, despite the fact that I love music overall. When I took up tonal percussion years later, I was able to transfer my knowledge of reading music from piano lessons to instruments, approaches, and communities (various ensembles) that brought me joy. Thanks again for sharing your reflections and notes about home education - they are definitely resonating with my experiences.
Thank you for this beautiful post that recognises children's individuality in their learning and how they come to their own plateaus and leaps in their own personal rhythm. You remind me of the mush pupal stage of a caterpillar as it moves towards becoming a butterfly or a moth. There is not hurrying that stage and yet it is not recognisable as anything but bounded disintegration. Perhaps the boundedness is what matters - for our children to have safe containers for their learning. I hear always from you how you seek to offer this for your children. 🤗
That’s such a beautiful metaphor and language Davina, I just love it. Yes, I do think that a lot of the most essential “work” might be to simply hold safe boundaries around their development and exploration. That being said, simple doesn’t always mean easy to provide, especially when everything around us is not really set up to honour children’s natural unfolding in this way. Thank you so much for reading and commenting :-)
Again, your self-observation, your observation of your children, reveal a naturally gifted field worker in tha all important fields not only of children, but anthropologically of our species, psychology of how we perceive the world, and frankly, spirituality, in that self-knowledge occurs in relationship.
In NLR, we speak of fields of knowing. Emergence, within the capacities of the moment AND transitions, such as those you write of. Developments is merely change, naturally occuring always and everywhere. A natural rhythm, unmolested by progress or human impositions of cultural expectations, and clock time as the measurement.
Wwe use names as approximate, reluctantly, yet a legitimate demand by the many we have met along the way. Simultaneously, we describe dynamics occurring during change, and the many possible behavioral outcomes from those dynamics. We say these are more important than age references. Yet our intent is always to bring that which we know to parents and teachers and so some indication of age is called for.
One insight I would like to respectfully suggest. What is lost is Rightful Place (Belongingness), Trust, Autonomy, and ultimately Interconnectedness. I mean these words in the deepest, most profound way possible. In as essential way they speak to our humanness, our wholeness.
Degree of loss is relative to the field of knowing in which the degree of neglect imposed. Obviously there is much more to say about this but, alas, students and family calls.
Thanks, again.
Thank you. As you know, I am looking forward to digging into your work to deepen my reflections and work in this area. I completely agree that interconnectedness is at the heart of it all. It reflects our current left-brain/masculine leaning world that we seek to find organised stages, ages, techniques etc I think. But might be quite essential for where we are.
This is such a beautiful and powerful essay - thank you.
After reading it, I feel a bit of grief - grief for the self-trust that so many of us have lost (or are in the process of losing) while being raised in systems in which "we've learnt to associate progress with safety and delay with risk," as you so eloquently state above.
Over the past week, I have watched one of my children suddenly become interested in playing the piano that's been sitting, mostly untouched, in our house for years. A few years ago, I was grappling with whether I 'should' put her in piano lessons - she's always loved music, but despite my efforts at home to model playing in order to inspire her curiosity, she never became interested.
What stopped me from enrolling her in lessons was actually my complicated relationship with piano. I was put into lessons at a young age and botched my way through using awful practice techniques (because 1) I never learned to use deliberate practice approaches, and 2) I never felt interested enough to care to master the pieces anyway). And while I love that I know how to play the piano, I often wish that I had learned through play and experimention rather than through a linear progression through a curriculum. For me, the missing piece was joy.
And yet left to their own development, kids really know how to let open-ended play - and joy - lead them and their efforts. That is a true gift that we all need to protect and nurture.
Thank you for writing this and I hope that it inspires others as well!
Hi Katie - I couldn't resist dropping my thoughts in here. My mother was a piano teacher who taught in our home. I was taken to lessons from 8 to 12 years old. I did grade one - learned to sight read - but refused to do more exams. I didn't practice - but played on pianos when I got an opportunity. (i.e. when my mother wasn't listening!) Now - I love playing - only for my own pleasure - and only to grade 4 or 5 level. But I love piano music. I suspect that you are right - that to remove the joy is a big risk.
Thanks so much for sharing! It sounds like you were able to have both the support AND the freedom to play - that's such a powerful combination. And I'll bet that your Mom and her students provided so much inspiration with music filling your childhood home. That sounds amazing. I'm so glad that you shared this, and that you love playing the piano to this day!
Katie, thank you so much for reading and for the rich reflections you’ve shared. I am deeply grateful that this piece resonated with you.
Yes, I feel you on the grief… I have long felt something close to that when I reflect on these things. In all honesty, it’s probably what propels me in my life and my work in sharing these ideas.
Thank you for sharing your experiences regarding piano. I actually had a similar journey with it myself — I too learnt to play as a child but really disliked my lessons. I used to dread them and found the practice dull and hard work. Sadly, I came to associate piano with stress because I had often not done the homework. Later, as a young adult, I taught myself guitar and although I never became proficient, the joy was there and that allowed creativity to come through as I began to compose songs on it. Joy was missing for me too with piano, and you’ve hit the nail on the head that without that, our achievements are never going to quite blossom into their full and amazing potential. Children absolutely are the experts when it comes to joy, and I think there is real power in nurturing that over all else.
Thank you again for reading and engaging.
Thanks so much for sharing this - how interesting to compare and contrast your experiences with piano and guitar. I too associate the piano with stress, despite the fact that I love music overall. When I took up tonal percussion years later, I was able to transfer my knowledge of reading music from piano lessons to instruments, approaches, and communities (various ensembles) that brought me joy. Thanks again for sharing your reflections and notes about home education - they are definitely resonating with my experiences.
Thank you for this beautiful post that recognises children's individuality in their learning and how they come to their own plateaus and leaps in their own personal rhythm. You remind me of the mush pupal stage of a caterpillar as it moves towards becoming a butterfly or a moth. There is not hurrying that stage and yet it is not recognisable as anything but bounded disintegration. Perhaps the boundedness is what matters - for our children to have safe containers for their learning. I hear always from you how you seek to offer this for your children. 🤗
That’s such a beautiful metaphor and language Davina, I just love it. Yes, I do think that a lot of the most essential “work” might be to simply hold safe boundaries around their development and exploration. That being said, simple doesn’t always mean easy to provide, especially when everything around us is not really set up to honour children’s natural unfolding in this way. Thank you so much for reading and commenting :-)