I totally agree with a lot of what you’ve written here! Instead of preaching to the choir, I’ll pull out the one piece I don’t fully agree with. You talk about the life force being more centralized in adults, and while I recognize this explanation as a cultural belief and even symbolic, I find it to be a bit lacking in explaining the disconnect between adults and young people—especially in terms of play. I do think you continue to explain one of the big reasons for the disconnect: the systems we exist in, especially the crushing weight of capitalism and all that it brings. I think play is possible (natural, even) in adults and mainly through burnout and a resultant lack of presence, curiosity, time, and general capacity that we lose that ability.
I think adults can play in similar ways as children but naturally, our play tends to shift based on our experience/age and interests. Pretend tea parties don’t have the same attraction to an adult because we’ve already explored those interpersonal relations so much that they’re just not interesting any more. But, at age 40 I still love a good game of tag with young people of any age—especially because I love all things movement. I still love wordplay and finding humor that connects for young people.
And I think Peter Gray (as awesome as he’s been to the movement) would laughably disagree with both of us in saying that children need to play with their peers away from adults. And that’s just not consistent with the reality I know.
Yep I know what you mean - children definitely get different things out of playing with adults vs peers, and both have value I think. My mum is fantastic at going deep into imaginary play with my daughter, whereas I prefer and can enjoy more easily other types of play with her like Lego or dancing. It's a really interesting topic this whole thing of why is it tricky (for some? at times for everyone?) to spend extended time with kids and I think ultimately you're right that it comes down to the way the system has many parents burnt out, stressed out, disconnected from themselves, lacking capacity etc. I have certainly found it easier to be present with my two as I have worked on myself over time and re-balanced my life to have more energy for them. But I still welcome other people, activities and trips out etc to break the longer stints up. 'The village' would have been an organic buffer to their natural hyperness - I guess that was what I meant by including the energy spread bit. Thanks for reading and commenting!
I totally agree with a lot of what you’ve written here! Instead of preaching to the choir, I’ll pull out the one piece I don’t fully agree with. You talk about the life force being more centralized in adults, and while I recognize this explanation as a cultural belief and even symbolic, I find it to be a bit lacking in explaining the disconnect between adults and young people—especially in terms of play. I do think you continue to explain one of the big reasons for the disconnect: the systems we exist in, especially the crushing weight of capitalism and all that it brings. I think play is possible (natural, even) in adults and mainly through burnout and a resultant lack of presence, curiosity, time, and general capacity that we lose that ability.
I think adults can play in similar ways as children but naturally, our play tends to shift based on our experience/age and interests. Pretend tea parties don’t have the same attraction to an adult because we’ve already explored those interpersonal relations so much that they’re just not interesting any more. But, at age 40 I still love a good game of tag with young people of any age—especially because I love all things movement. I still love wordplay and finding humor that connects for young people.
And I think Peter Gray (as awesome as he’s been to the movement) would laughably disagree with both of us in saying that children need to play with their peers away from adults. And that’s just not consistent with the reality I know.
Yep I know what you mean - children definitely get different things out of playing with adults vs peers, and both have value I think. My mum is fantastic at going deep into imaginary play with my daughter, whereas I prefer and can enjoy more easily other types of play with her like Lego or dancing. It's a really interesting topic this whole thing of why is it tricky (for some? at times for everyone?) to spend extended time with kids and I think ultimately you're right that it comes down to the way the system has many parents burnt out, stressed out, disconnected from themselves, lacking capacity etc. I have certainly found it easier to be present with my two as I have worked on myself over time and re-balanced my life to have more energy for them. But I still welcome other people, activities and trips out etc to break the longer stints up. 'The village' would have been an organic buffer to their natural hyperness - I guess that was what I meant by including the energy spread bit. Thanks for reading and commenting!
The village…totally. Thank you again for sharing your writing. It was an engaging piece!