I've got a wonderful learner who had 'extreme support needs' at school. At home, he's merely working eight years 'ahead' of age and doesn't like loud noises. Having read a book by a specialist, it's common for kids as academically gifted as he is to be emotionally intense, even without the sensory issues.
According to the book, he's apparently not especially unusual, but - while he was in school - he always felt like a very unusual problem that was hard to manage (no fault of the teachers. Everyone liked him).
Oops that posted too soon. I was going to add that it also breaks my heart too, when I think of how many children are growing up being made to feel that they are broken, bad, not enough etc, when it’s really the system that is broken not them.
Putting together a published anthology! This isn’t a shameless plug but I really feel passionate about this project & anyone who feels drawn to share their story 🤍
It was so lovely to read this. Accepting a child’s uniqueness rather than giving them a label. As former teacher I often found it frustrating when parents wanted their child to be labelled almost to validate that their child was different.
This is a brilliant piece. Thanks for sharing. I have a son who falls into the "labeled for school" category and it's challenging because we're in Germany where school is mandatory. One of the things I think about often is the genetic proclivities. All of what I notice in my son is a clear extension of my husband and I, and so in reality, who is best equipped to teach him to navigate the world as he is? There's this mismatch when we cut off the parents' empathy and experience and deep understanding that I don't think any system can ever hope to capture. Raising and educating kids was never supposed to be the sole activity, it was just something that happened naturally with a functional community around us as support. It's so devastating to watch the world treat amazing, diverse children like they're damaged. We all lose. 💔
Thank you so much for reading and for sharing this. I’m really glad the piece resonated with you.
Ah yes, I’m aware of Germany’s position on home education… it must be incredibly tough when you can see so clearly that the system can’t flex to meet your child’s uniqueness.
And what you’ve said about genetic proclivities really lands. I’ve spoken with many parents who recognise their own traits in their children, and yet have very little influence over how those children are then guided educationally. That disconnect is hard to reconcile.
You’re right — the way things have evolved is quite unnatural. It’s actually why I chose the name The Natural Learning Path, to reflect a way of understanding children that places parental knowing and deep seeing at the centre.
It is devastating. It’s also what compels me to keep writing and sharing — because so many children are being misunderstood, and something needs to shift in how we hold them.
I have another piece coming out in a few weeks about labels — I’d love to hear how it lands for you when it does.
And thank you so much for subscribing, it really means a lot.
Excellent exploration here. I’ve been studying human design myself in my family - and have come to realize exactly what you write here. My daughter is operating from her design - and western society puts a label on her design as something outside “the ordinary.” But human design says here is how to best support your child. I am going to be diving deeper into this- but it’s a great exploratory process of how western society has pretty much pathologized every learning
Difference. And where does this leave our kids? Exactly like you write - feeling like their differences are a problem to Be solved instead of a manifestation of their unique way of expressing themselves in the world.
Yes exactly. I’m so happy you are finding truth and validation in your daughter’s design. It is such a powerful tool to help us really see a child’s uniqueness, rather than through the cloudy and narrow lens of conditioning and homogenisation. I’m so interested to hear more about how your daughter’s design shows up for you, and what it’s helping you see.
This resonates with me so strongly. I have worked with SEN education for 15 years and most recently a parent of child who when in school had SEN. I agree the language around children’s unique needs absolutely needs to change. Although the term began with good intention, it now seems to just encompass any child who doesn’t fit the typical educational system mould. I would say all children have special educational needs – they all have needs, all have educational needs and all have unique needs as an individual.
In school my child was labelled as having SEN, although now diagnosed as PDA autistic, in school performed academically very well but was struggling with anxiety, struggling with attending school and with emotional regulation. However, now she is home educated the label doesn’t apply any more, her unique needs are met within the learning environment I create for her and the support give her.
Isn't that wild?! In the best way. I can tell you totally get where I'm coming from, through your lived professional and now personal experience. It's like, outside of the system, distinct boundaries of 'this' or 'that' merge and disintegrate. And what is left is the real child/person, who we can now begin to truly see for exactly who they are, not through all the social and cultural filters we've been conditioned to apply. How long has your daughter been out of school now? I bet you'll find she'll be absolutely thriving soon.
I love that - that we can now see our children for exactly who they are. I took my daughter out of school last October 2024, so it is nearly a year now. She is doing really well, she has recovered from being in burnout and although of course there are still challenges, she is doing so well. Especially with where we were at a year ago.
So pleased to hear this. Sounds like she's still quite young and with your loving, attuned support is clearly bouncing back quickly. Have you heard the recommendation that for every year they have been in school, they need at least one month de-schooling/relaxing when they first come out? Makes sense - the longer we have been in the system the longer our conditioning has been being layered on.
She was in school for two years but needed much more than 2 months to deschool/rest and recover. Although I did notice that after about 2 months she had the capacity to start doing more but then did too much and went back into burnout.
Gosh yes, just shows how deeply it can affect more sensitive beings. Two months definitely doesn't seem like long enough... sounds like she was in survival mode and it took the couple of months for her to drop into a safer place. What a gift that you can now go at her unique pace :-)
It's fascinating, isn't it?
I've got a wonderful learner who had 'extreme support needs' at school. At home, he's merely working eight years 'ahead' of age and doesn't like loud noises. Having read a book by a specialist, it's common for kids as academically gifted as he is to be emotionally intense, even without the sensory issues.
According to the book, he's apparently not especially unusual, but - while he was in school - he always felt like a very unusual problem that was hard to manage (no fault of the teachers. Everyone liked him).
At home, free to be himself, he is simply a gift.
Absolutely fascinating, I wish I could gather all these stories up, like a list of “at school xyz”… “out of school xyz”
Oops that posted too soon. I was going to add that it also breaks my heart too, when I think of how many children are growing up being made to feel that they are broken, bad, not enough etc, when it’s really the system that is broken not them.
Your son sounds awesome btw, so glad he is now able to grow up naturally aligned to who he is, what a rare thing 🙏
I am gathering these stories- I’m
Putting together a published anthology! This isn’t a shameless plug but I really feel passionate about this project & anyone who feels drawn to share their story 🤍
I look forward to reading it Kelli! ❤️
It was so lovely to read this. Accepting a child’s uniqueness rather than giving them a label. As former teacher I often found it frustrating when parents wanted their child to be labelled almost to validate that their child was different.
I’m enjoying the discussions I’m having with like minded people. Thank you for writing this piece.
Oops, posted too soon. Meant to also say thank you for reading and commenting, I’m so pleased you got value from this piece.
Yes, it’s frustrating that we have a system that’s so tied up with labels rather than truly seeing and supporting the uniqueness of every child.
This is a brilliant piece. Thanks for sharing. I have a son who falls into the "labeled for school" category and it's challenging because we're in Germany where school is mandatory. One of the things I think about often is the genetic proclivities. All of what I notice in my son is a clear extension of my husband and I, and so in reality, who is best equipped to teach him to navigate the world as he is? There's this mismatch when we cut off the parents' empathy and experience and deep understanding that I don't think any system can ever hope to capture. Raising and educating kids was never supposed to be the sole activity, it was just something that happened naturally with a functional community around us as support. It's so devastating to watch the world treat amazing, diverse children like they're damaged. We all lose. 💔
Thank you so much for reading and for sharing this. I’m really glad the piece resonated with you.
Ah yes, I’m aware of Germany’s position on home education… it must be incredibly tough when you can see so clearly that the system can’t flex to meet your child’s uniqueness.
And what you’ve said about genetic proclivities really lands. I’ve spoken with many parents who recognise their own traits in their children, and yet have very little influence over how those children are then guided educationally. That disconnect is hard to reconcile.
You’re right — the way things have evolved is quite unnatural. It’s actually why I chose the name The Natural Learning Path, to reflect a way of understanding children that places parental knowing and deep seeing at the centre.
It is devastating. It’s also what compels me to keep writing and sharing — because so many children are being misunderstood, and something needs to shift in how we hold them.
I have another piece coming out in a few weeks about labels — I’d love to hear how it lands for you when it does.
And thank you so much for subscribing, it really means a lot.
Excellent exploration here. I’ve been studying human design myself in my family - and have come to realize exactly what you write here. My daughter is operating from her design - and western society puts a label on her design as something outside “the ordinary.” But human design says here is how to best support your child. I am going to be diving deeper into this- but it’s a great exploratory process of how western society has pretty much pathologized every learning
Difference. And where does this leave our kids? Exactly like you write - feeling like their differences are a problem to Be solved instead of a manifestation of their unique way of expressing themselves in the world.
Yes exactly. I’m so happy you are finding truth and validation in your daughter’s design. It is such a powerful tool to help us really see a child’s uniqueness, rather than through the cloudy and narrow lens of conditioning and homogenisation. I’m so interested to hear more about how your daughter’s design shows up for you, and what it’s helping you see.
This resonates with me so strongly. I have worked with SEN education for 15 years and most recently a parent of child who when in school had SEN. I agree the language around children’s unique needs absolutely needs to change. Although the term began with good intention, it now seems to just encompass any child who doesn’t fit the typical educational system mould. I would say all children have special educational needs – they all have needs, all have educational needs and all have unique needs as an individual.
In school my child was labelled as having SEN, although now diagnosed as PDA autistic, in school performed academically very well but was struggling with anxiety, struggling with attending school and with emotional regulation. However, now she is home educated the label doesn’t apply any more, her unique needs are met within the learning environment I create for her and the support give her.
Isn't that wild?! In the best way. I can tell you totally get where I'm coming from, through your lived professional and now personal experience. It's like, outside of the system, distinct boundaries of 'this' or 'that' merge and disintegrate. And what is left is the real child/person, who we can now begin to truly see for exactly who they are, not through all the social and cultural filters we've been conditioned to apply. How long has your daughter been out of school now? I bet you'll find she'll be absolutely thriving soon.
I love that - that we can now see our children for exactly who they are. I took my daughter out of school last October 2024, so it is nearly a year now. She is doing really well, she has recovered from being in burnout and although of course there are still challenges, she is doing so well. Especially with where we were at a year ago.
So pleased to hear this. Sounds like she's still quite young and with your loving, attuned support is clearly bouncing back quickly. Have you heard the recommendation that for every year they have been in school, they need at least one month de-schooling/relaxing when they first come out? Makes sense - the longer we have been in the system the longer our conditioning has been being layered on.
She was in school for two years but needed much more than 2 months to deschool/rest and recover. Although I did notice that after about 2 months she had the capacity to start doing more but then did too much and went back into burnout.
Gosh yes, just shows how deeply it can affect more sensitive beings. Two months definitely doesn't seem like long enough... sounds like she was in survival mode and it took the couple of months for her to drop into a safer place. What a gift that you can now go at her unique pace :-)