"I could feel so clearly afterwards how much inherited urgency still lives inside my body"- this happens so often to me- particularly whilst on the way to home ed groups etc and it resulted in a big conversation in the car the other day where I apologised to the children for the ' usual' panic inducing way we set out on our journey. I explained that I hated being late and walking into things late and my daughter so eloquently said " but thats you Mummy. I really don't mind. If i'm late then I will just apoligize . It will be fine". I always felt I was going to be late when I was growing up annd if I was then often I would refuse to go I to whatever event it was. I realised that my children just don't feel that stress over time- they know the importance of arriving on time for others if its a class etc but they don't panic if on the odd occasion life gets in the way. I have a lot to learn from my children ! And I'm trying really hard to leave the house in calm state wether we are early, late or somewhere in between
You and me both. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s reassuring to know others find these inherited patterns coming in, notice them, and process them along with our children. To me, that is deconditioning in action and so powerful for our children and ourselves. It’s great that we have chosen a less pressured path, as like you, when I zoom out and look at things, there’s never usually that much urgency or ‘arrive on time’ pressure in the things we attend, it all comes from us doesn’t it! 🙏💛
As always I enjoy and learn from you posts. Thanks.
I especially appreciate that way you effortlessly communicate self-observation and self-reflection as central to relationship. Relationship is not a different activity than self observation and self-reflection. They are natural human capacities, inherent in our Being. Capacities are innate; development depends upon relationship. As they generally have not been part of the relationships for so many they seem unusual, or extra work, or something to remember. Yet, not only will they foster well-being in us and our children, they are cited again and again in spiritual and existential philosophy as central to profound awareness, to knowing ourselves.
It wasn’t until after my children were grown that I realized just how much this pressure took away my capacity to be a fully present mother. There is grief in that.
I think this is probably a deeply held and widespread grief. I feel it in smaller ways myself, even having this awareness at this point in my journey. So many parents are carrying enormous pressure without ever being invited to recognise it as pressure at all. And yet the ability to look back with honesty and reflection says something very meaningful about the depth of your care too.
This was beautiful Gem, it resonated so much for me - recognising myself in the parent you describe and how we can be pulled in multiple ways internally by silent priorities, especially. Thanks for writing and sharing this x
"I could feel so clearly afterwards how much inherited urgency still lives inside my body"- this happens so often to me- particularly whilst on the way to home ed groups etc and it resulted in a big conversation in the car the other day where I apologised to the children for the ' usual' panic inducing way we set out on our journey. I explained that I hated being late and walking into things late and my daughter so eloquently said " but thats you Mummy. I really don't mind. If i'm late then I will just apoligize . It will be fine". I always felt I was going to be late when I was growing up annd if I was then often I would refuse to go I to whatever event it was. I realised that my children just don't feel that stress over time- they know the importance of arriving on time for others if its a class etc but they don't panic if on the odd occasion life gets in the way. I have a lot to learn from my children ! And I'm trying really hard to leave the house in calm state wether we are early, late or somewhere in between
You and me both. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s reassuring to know others find these inherited patterns coming in, notice them, and process them along with our children. To me, that is deconditioning in action and so powerful for our children and ourselves. It’s great that we have chosen a less pressured path, as like you, when I zoom out and look at things, there’s never usually that much urgency or ‘arrive on time’ pressure in the things we attend, it all comes from us doesn’t it! 🙏💛
As always I enjoy and learn from you posts. Thanks.
I especially appreciate that way you effortlessly communicate self-observation and self-reflection as central to relationship. Relationship is not a different activity than self observation and self-reflection. They are natural human capacities, inherent in our Being. Capacities are innate; development depends upon relationship. As they generally have not been part of the relationships for so many they seem unusual, or extra work, or something to remember. Yet, not only will they foster well-being in us and our children, they are cited again and again in spiritual and existential philosophy as central to profound awareness, to knowing ourselves.
Thank you. I enjoy and learn a lot from your comments :-)
It wasn’t until after my children were grown that I realized just how much this pressure took away my capacity to be a fully present mother. There is grief in that.
I think this is probably a deeply held and widespread grief. I feel it in smaller ways myself, even having this awareness at this point in my journey. So many parents are carrying enormous pressure without ever being invited to recognise it as pressure at all. And yet the ability to look back with honesty and reflection says something very meaningful about the depth of your care too.
Beautiful, insightful reflections. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for reading. Glad they resonated 🙏
This was beautiful Gem, it resonated so much for me - recognising myself in the parent you describe and how we can be pulled in multiple ways internally by silent priorities, especially. Thanks for writing and sharing this x
Thank you so much Gem! So glad this resonated, it’s great to know we’re not alone in these internal struggles as parents ❤️