I love this: "She described a shift that many long-term unschoolers talk about eventually reaching — the point where trust stops being an aspiration and becomes the place from which you genuinely operate."
I find that has been one of the gifts I unexpectedly received from my unschooling kids - more and more finding that grounding space in my life as well.
And I adore your daughter's box creations! I used to create similar houses, Barbie campers, and other creative cardboard creations before I started school and I LOVED it.
Thank you for reading and commenting. It’s so great when those with older/grown up children affirm that the life learning approach is nourishing for both children and parents. Such reassurance when you have younger children and wobble on the path at times! And P is thrilled that you like her creations 🙂
And I know what you mean about being encouraged by older life learners. I too found it encouraging to hear stories from parents further along the journey.
This is resonating so much! The kiddos I care for often surprise me with how they want to spend our time, and it feels like, most of the time, they eat up the chance to do things in their way & their timing. I keep feeling the value of that, and really honor that as much as I can (with safety in mind of course). I totally get the feeling of wanting to suggest and guide, too! It can feel so "itchy" to trust their path sometimes, but I really believe in their internal compasses. And it can be so magical to be in the moment with them as they navigate. 🤩 It feels the same with myself, when I remember my internal compass + trust my path's unfolding.
This is such good food for thought. I'm inspired to lean more into presence and trust with the kiddos and myself. :)
Thank you for reading and for such a warm and thoughtful comment. I’m so pleased this reflection held value for you. Gosh yes, “the itch” is real! I love how you put that. It is a real physical thing sometimes isn’t it, the urge to step in. I think when we can support each other on this path of trusting that’s really powerful, because it can be lonely sometimes when you are doing things so differently to those around you and from your own conditioning. Thank you again.
I love this so much: "When we become preoccupied with future outcomes, we stop seeing what is actually here. When we become attached to particular narratives, we lose sensitivity to what is unfolding in front of us. When we assume our intervention is always required, we can end up disrupting processes that were already organising themselves perfectly well."
And your observation that trust doesn't mean passivity. That's been my experience as well. In fact, I often found I could lean more into the moments with my kids when I trusted them to follow their curiosity and instincts and make the choices that made sense to them.
When my trust faltered, even if I was physically with them, my mind was thinking what I would do, what I thought they should do, and looking for "opportunities" to jump in and share my perspective. I was less connected with what was unfolding. My kids are all adults now and I find trust still works the same way, as you're exploring with your husband's health challenges—which I hope find some solid footing soon!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Yes, you’re so right that when we can let go of the worry and mind chatter about what we could or should be doing, we are then more present and connected with our children and what they are actually doing. I am catching myself more often in the moment and then am able to return to what’s happening, rather than in some imagined future place, as I said in the post. I deeply appreciate hearing about your experiences as a parent who has walked this path with your children grown now. Thank you for all that you share through your work — I find it so useful, reassuring, and inspiring 🙏
Once again, thank you. Noticing how concern for the future skews out perception and actions towards that concern and away from this moment violates trust in oneself and others reveals a dynamic that plagues so many that, hazarding an educated guess, infects all of us in some way.
I wish your husband and family good health. I find it interesting that you self discovered a deeper insight and embodmines of trust in the midst of his health crises. Stretching the point a bit, artists of all disciplines and most spiritual philosophies link love, death, and profound trust as an interweaving dynamic.
An important knowing that arose in my work is how and when children experience death. As the society is endlessly promoting youth and in general avoids conversations about death, (absurd it is to place death in the shadow,) At first surprising, and then "Duh", children naturally have trust as organizing principle when they become aware of their own mortality. Death as existing in life happens first, and is often expressed in play. Knowing our own death brings forth relationship with self and others now unfolds in more complex ways with greater long lasting impact.
There is so much to say about this. Given your observations of yourself and how helpful they are for the rest of us, I offer that engagement with children during this vulnerable moment in development, not only do we re-engage deeper trust in ourselves, but literally heal the wounds from the betrayals we experienced.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection, and for your kind wishes for my husband and family. Thankfully he’s doing much better now.
I was especially struck by what you wrote about concern for the future shaping our perception of the present. That feels very close to what I found myself experiencing, and in many ways became the heart of this month’s field notes.
I’m intrigued by your reflections on trust, mortality and children’s play too. There’s a lot there that I’d like to reflect on more deeply. I’ve actually been listening to some of your podcasts recently and have been enjoying getting a better sense of your work. I haven’t forgotten about continuing our conversation — I just haven’t quite managed to get back to you yet. I look forward to picking it up when I can.
I'm so glad that your husband is okay! I definitely resonate with much of what you've written here. Like you, I have chosen a more natural learning path with my kids after a childhood and career of viewing learning and teaching as two sides of the same coin. The shift is definitely easier (and more rewarding) when I stay centered on trust. This week, my kids have gotten into drumming with household pots and pans - and I'm torn between just letting them play (learn through play) and using it as an opportunity to teach basic musical notation and rhythm. I think that there's certainly an opportunity to further the learning, but want it to come from a mindset of trust rather than anxiety. I love your distinction of focusing on the present vs. future and will be thinking about that moving forward. Thanks!
You’re so very welcome. Thank you for reading and commenting, and I’m glad this resonated with you. I feel we all need to support each other on this path of deconditioning and leaning into trust, it can be a lonely one for sure. Yes I’m often fighting the urge to bring in some teaching too, but when I do it’s often met with a real lack of enthusiasm. Whereas when their questions and interests lead it’s a different story. I think a big part of the problem is our programmed ideals about what a good learning activity or day looks like. When I’ve dug deeper I often realise that it’s because we associate recording and tangible outcomes with learning, when what our children are often naturally doing is more embodied, if that makes sense.
Yes, I agree about supporting each other - it's definitely a lonely path in my experience. I keep feeling amazed by how my kids learn (how we all learn!) - but it's easy to connect the dots looking backward; trusting that the dots will connect moving forward is so much trickier. I think that for me, there's an underlying fear that I'm making a mistake by taking this unconventional path. But where does that fear of mistakes come from in the first place? Yep, my conditioning. :P
I love this: "She described a shift that many long-term unschoolers talk about eventually reaching — the point where trust stops being an aspiration and becomes the place from which you genuinely operate."
I find that has been one of the gifts I unexpectedly received from my unschooling kids - more and more finding that grounding space in my life as well.
And I adore your daughter's box creations! I used to create similar houses, Barbie campers, and other creative cardboard creations before I started school and I LOVED it.
Thank you for reading and commenting. It’s so great when those with older/grown up children affirm that the life learning approach is nourishing for both children and parents. Such reassurance when you have younger children and wobble on the path at times! And P is thrilled that you like her creations 🙂
Yay! I'm glad you shared that with her. 💕
And I know what you mean about being encouraged by older life learners. I too found it encouraging to hear stories from parents further along the journey.
Now I can absolutely say it was totally worth it!
Brilliant to hear :-)
This is resonating so much! The kiddos I care for often surprise me with how they want to spend our time, and it feels like, most of the time, they eat up the chance to do things in their way & their timing. I keep feeling the value of that, and really honor that as much as I can (with safety in mind of course). I totally get the feeling of wanting to suggest and guide, too! It can feel so "itchy" to trust their path sometimes, but I really believe in their internal compasses. And it can be so magical to be in the moment with them as they navigate. 🤩 It feels the same with myself, when I remember my internal compass + trust my path's unfolding.
This is such good food for thought. I'm inspired to lean more into presence and trust with the kiddos and myself. :)
Thank you for reading and for such a warm and thoughtful comment. I’m so pleased this reflection held value for you. Gosh yes, “the itch” is real! I love how you put that. It is a real physical thing sometimes isn’t it, the urge to step in. I think when we can support each other on this path of trusting that’s really powerful, because it can be lonely sometimes when you are doing things so differently to those around you and from your own conditioning. Thank you again.
I love this so much: "When we become preoccupied with future outcomes, we stop seeing what is actually here. When we become attached to particular narratives, we lose sensitivity to what is unfolding in front of us. When we assume our intervention is always required, we can end up disrupting processes that were already organising themselves perfectly well."
And your observation that trust doesn't mean passivity. That's been my experience as well. In fact, I often found I could lean more into the moments with my kids when I trusted them to follow their curiosity and instincts and make the choices that made sense to them.
When my trust faltered, even if I was physically with them, my mind was thinking what I would do, what I thought they should do, and looking for "opportunities" to jump in and share my perspective. I was less connected with what was unfolding. My kids are all adults now and I find trust still works the same way, as you're exploring with your husband's health challenges—which I hope find some solid footing soon!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Yes, you’re so right that when we can let go of the worry and mind chatter about what we could or should be doing, we are then more present and connected with our children and what they are actually doing. I am catching myself more often in the moment and then am able to return to what’s happening, rather than in some imagined future place, as I said in the post. I deeply appreciate hearing about your experiences as a parent who has walked this path with your children grown now. Thank you for all that you share through your work — I find it so useful, reassuring, and inspiring 🙏
My pleasure, I’m happy to know you find my work helpful. :-)
Once again, thank you. Noticing how concern for the future skews out perception and actions towards that concern and away from this moment violates trust in oneself and others reveals a dynamic that plagues so many that, hazarding an educated guess, infects all of us in some way.
I wish your husband and family good health. I find it interesting that you self discovered a deeper insight and embodmines of trust in the midst of his health crises. Stretching the point a bit, artists of all disciplines and most spiritual philosophies link love, death, and profound trust as an interweaving dynamic.
An important knowing that arose in my work is how and when children experience death. As the society is endlessly promoting youth and in general avoids conversations about death, (absurd it is to place death in the shadow,) At first surprising, and then "Duh", children naturally have trust as organizing principle when they become aware of their own mortality. Death as existing in life happens first, and is often expressed in play. Knowing our own death brings forth relationship with self and others now unfolds in more complex ways with greater long lasting impact.
There is so much to say about this. Given your observations of yourself and how helpful they are for the rest of us, I offer that engagement with children during this vulnerable moment in development, not only do we re-engage deeper trust in ourselves, but literally heal the wounds from the betrayals we experienced.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful reflection, and for your kind wishes for my husband and family. Thankfully he’s doing much better now.
I was especially struck by what you wrote about concern for the future shaping our perception of the present. That feels very close to what I found myself experiencing, and in many ways became the heart of this month’s field notes.
I’m intrigued by your reflections on trust, mortality and children’s play too. There’s a lot there that I’d like to reflect on more deeply. I’ve actually been listening to some of your podcasts recently and have been enjoying getting a better sense of your work. I haven’t forgotten about continuing our conversation — I just haven’t quite managed to get back to you yet. I look forward to picking it up when I can.
I'm so glad that your husband is okay! I definitely resonate with much of what you've written here. Like you, I have chosen a more natural learning path with my kids after a childhood and career of viewing learning and teaching as two sides of the same coin. The shift is definitely easier (and more rewarding) when I stay centered on trust. This week, my kids have gotten into drumming with household pots and pans - and I'm torn between just letting them play (learn through play) and using it as an opportunity to teach basic musical notation and rhythm. I think that there's certainly an opportunity to further the learning, but want it to come from a mindset of trust rather than anxiety. I love your distinction of focusing on the present vs. future and will be thinking about that moving forward. Thanks!
You’re so very welcome. Thank you for reading and commenting, and I’m glad this resonated with you. I feel we all need to support each other on this path of deconditioning and leaning into trust, it can be a lonely one for sure. Yes I’m often fighting the urge to bring in some teaching too, but when I do it’s often met with a real lack of enthusiasm. Whereas when their questions and interests lead it’s a different story. I think a big part of the problem is our programmed ideals about what a good learning activity or day looks like. When I’ve dug deeper I often realise that it’s because we associate recording and tangible outcomes with learning, when what our children are often naturally doing is more embodied, if that makes sense.
Yes, I agree about supporting each other - it's definitely a lonely path in my experience. I keep feeling amazed by how my kids learn (how we all learn!) - but it's easy to connect the dots looking backward; trusting that the dots will connect moving forward is so much trickier. I think that for me, there's an underlying fear that I'm making a mistake by taking this unconventional path. But where does that fear of mistakes come from in the first place? Yep, my conditioning. :P
So resonate with all of that! Connecting dots forward vs backwards is such a great way to explain it.