Thanks for suggesting this post. I love the analogy you've used!
You raise a great point. When a plant struggles, we don't judge it. We check the soil, adjust the light, change the watering schedule. But with children, we're quick to assume the child is the problem instead of asking if the learning environment is right.
I agree tailor‑made learning is the way to go. Yet, as you point out, ‘schools are rarely set up for deep individualisation’ - it’s simply not efficient for the system.
Thanks for highlighting the need to redesign the garden instead of continuing to blame the plants.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I'm really pleased the analogy resonated. I feel we have become entrenched in such unnatural approaches towards the support and education of our children, and the gardening metaphor came to me one day when I was reflecting on this.
I really like the idea of being attentive without trying to control every outcome. I think that becomes especially interesting with teenagers — the support is still there, but increasingly it’s about helping them notice options, make decisions and recover from mistakes rather than trying to choose the path for them.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, I’m glad this resonated. Yes I imagine it does become very interesting in the teen years because there’s usually quite a lot of pressure on them in terms of outcomes, but at the same time, as you say, their natural drive is very much to have autonomy in their lives. I love learning from those who are further ahead on the path, so thank you again.
I think that tension between pressure and autonomy is exactly it. The stakes start to feel bigger just as they quite rightly want more ownership, so the parenting job becomes less about directing and more about helping them think things through without making the decision for them.
Thanks for suggesting this post. I love the analogy you've used!
You raise a great point. When a plant struggles, we don't judge it. We check the soil, adjust the light, change the watering schedule. But with children, we're quick to assume the child is the problem instead of asking if the learning environment is right.
I agree tailor‑made learning is the way to go. Yet, as you point out, ‘schools are rarely set up for deep individualisation’ - it’s simply not efficient for the system.
Thanks for highlighting the need to redesign the garden instead of continuing to blame the plants.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I'm really pleased the analogy resonated. I feel we have become entrenched in such unnatural approaches towards the support and education of our children, and the gardening metaphor came to me one day when I was reflecting on this.
I really like the idea of being attentive without trying to control every outcome. I think that becomes especially interesting with teenagers — the support is still there, but increasingly it’s about helping them notice options, make decisions and recover from mistakes rather than trying to choose the path for them.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, I’m glad this resonated. Yes I imagine it does become very interesting in the teen years because there’s usually quite a lot of pressure on them in terms of outcomes, but at the same time, as you say, their natural drive is very much to have autonomy in their lives. I love learning from those who are further ahead on the path, so thank you again.
I think that tension between pressure and autonomy is exactly it. The stakes start to feel bigger just as they quite rightly want more ownership, so the parenting job becomes less about directing and more about helping them think things through without making the decision for them.