This article was eye-opening, and I need it posted in my house to remind me of so many things during the day. I’ve noticed that when we’re rushed, things go off track quickly. So it makes perfect sense that there’s a capacity issue happening.
Thanks April, so glad this was valuable to you. Yes I resonate with that, it’s often in the “rushing” times that things can go a bit pear-shaped in our house too. Transitions are a lot for everyone’s nervous systems!
It amazes me how many crazy jobs I’ve had in the past when I just don’t think I deal with the transitions well. Now being at home it like none of us do.
The idea that capacity is state-dependent rather than fixed helps explain so many of the inconsistencies we see in classrooms—students who can articulate complex ideas one lesson and then struggle to begin a task the next. Too often, we default to interpreting that through effort or attitude, when actually it’s far more about load, context, and what their nervous system can manage in that moment. What really resonates is the shift from correction to curiosity: asking “what’s changed?” rather than “what’s wrong?” doesn’t lower expectations, but it changes how we respond in a way that is more likely to be effective. In practice, this links closely to things like reducing cognitive load, building predictable routines, and creating emotionally safe environments—because, as you suggest, regulation isn’t something we can demand, it’s something we enable. It also feels like a useful reminder for adults in schools too; teacher capacity fluctuates in exactly the same way, and the systems we design either support that reality or ignore it.
Oh yes, absolutely. Manuela spoke to this in her answers in particular, helping us see that the biology (and the moralising) doesn’t actually change once we’re adults. Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and sharing :-)
Yes. Even as an adult, my behaviour is at its worst when I’m overloaded or depleted. Even though my mind knows better. Thank you for reading and sharing, glad it resonated.
This article was eye-opening, and I need it posted in my house to remind me of so many things during the day. I’ve noticed that when we’re rushed, things go off track quickly. So it makes perfect sense that there’s a capacity issue happening.
Thanks April, so glad this was valuable to you. Yes I resonate with that, it’s often in the “rushing” times that things can go a bit pear-shaped in our house too. Transitions are a lot for everyone’s nervous systems!
It amazes me how many crazy jobs I’ve had in the past when I just don’t think I deal with the transitions well. Now being at home it like none of us do.
So glad it resonates, April 🤍
Sharing a few ideas that can help increase capacity and expand your window of tolerance here: https://myfertilebrain.substack.com/p/nervous-system-toolkit-7-why-you?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
Oh thank you, Manuela! I look forward to reading this! 😊
The idea that capacity is state-dependent rather than fixed helps explain so many of the inconsistencies we see in classrooms—students who can articulate complex ideas one lesson and then struggle to begin a task the next. Too often, we default to interpreting that through effort or attitude, when actually it’s far more about load, context, and what their nervous system can manage in that moment. What really resonates is the shift from correction to curiosity: asking “what’s changed?” rather than “what’s wrong?” doesn’t lower expectations, but it changes how we respond in a way that is more likely to be effective. In practice, this links closely to things like reducing cognitive load, building predictable routines, and creating emotionally safe environments—because, as you suggest, regulation isn’t something we can demand, it’s something we enable. It also feels like a useful reminder for adults in schools too; teacher capacity fluctuates in exactly the same way, and the systems we design either support that reality or ignore it.
Yes it’s true for teachers too — so much load on their nervous systems too. Glad you found this valuable :-)
Excellent article, and I'm guessing that everything written here about capacity for children is also true for adults. Very helpful. Thank you!
Oh yes, absolutely. Manuela spoke to this in her answers in particular, helping us see that the biology (and the moralising) doesn’t actually change once we’re adults. Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and sharing :-)
This resonated. It’s a good reminder that behavior isn’t about trying harder. It’s about what someone can actually handle in that moment.
Yes. Even as an adult, my behaviour is at its worst when I’m overloaded or depleted. Even though my mind knows better. Thank you for reading and sharing, glad it resonated.